Thursday, January 20, 2011

Mother Issues

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has issues with my mother. I love her very much, but sometimes she just crushes me emotionally. I won't spew out our whole family history here (you're welcome) but sometimes it just helps to get things out. I have often wondered if I'm overly sensitive and over-reacting to things, but my husband and friends agree that the things she says and does are very hurtful. When I was little, I distinctly remember bringing home an art project from school that I had worked so hard on and being so proud to show it to her. She looked it over and said "don't worry, we can fix it." She then proceeded to take it apart and redo it so it would be "better." Crush. Gee, is it any wonder that I am a perfectionist now?

I'm in the midst of another "issue" with her right now and I'm hurting. There is a lot of history that goes into explaining it and I'm just not up to typing it all tonight. Suffice it to say that I'm upset with her, but I'm more upset with myself because I continue to allow her to hurt me. I'm chasing something that I will never have, and aching for a healthy relationship with my mother. I know that people who have lost their mothers would give anything to be in my shoes and would gladly have an issue with their mothers just to have them back. I totally understand that and I am thankful to have her in my life but it hurts nonetheless. Guess I'm just feeling raw tonight.

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