So how's the job going?

It's no secret that I'm not happy about having to go back to work. I have really enjoyed being at home with John. So that makes it that much harder to get into the swing of things with a new job. Being the low man on the totem pole, I got the shift that nobody else wants-closing every day. Add to that the fact that John is still sick with a cough and I have a cold, and you've about got my take on things. When I applied, the ad said 20-30 hours per week. I am currently working 32.5 and I think it's too much. I don't know how it will go over, but I am going to talk to the director about only working 4 days a week. That would give John and I a day to do stuff we want to do, plus make it easier to schedule doctor appts, run errands and work on getting my inventory built up for craft shows. I'm nervous about asking but I think it's best for us. The worst she could say is no, right?

The women I work with are pretty nice and quite friendly. Since I am the only one that closes every day, I work with someone different each day and they all do things differently. Caryn (another worker) said I will have to tell everyone how to do things but I'm not comfortable doing that just yet. For now I just go with the flow and do what needs done.

One thing that really bothers me is the director's son. He's 2 1/2 and he's a holy terror. She brings him with her every day and lets him run buck wild. He is seriously spoiled and nobody tells him no because he's the director's kid. She tells us to discipline him but you can tell she really doesn't mean it. I called her bluff and put him in timeout twice the other day and he told her that I hit him. She was in the room and saw everything so she knows I didn't but what if she hadn't been? As a teacher and a mother, it makes me angry to see someone "raising" their kid this way. She also has 2 nephews and a niece in the room and favors them over the other kids too. I am careful not to play favorites with John and if anything I am tougher on him than the other kids. So frustrating.

I am really hoping that the director is willing to cut me back to 4 days a week. I think that would make a big difference in my mindset towards the job. I am hoping to get a chance to talk to her about it today. Besides her, I am the only one working 5 days a week and the girl that I replaced only worked 4 days a week. And if I went to 4 days I'd still be working 26 hours a week, which is within the 20-30 hours quoted in the ad. Do I sound convincing?? LOL, hope so.

Already?

Well, Sunday night I had the breakdown that I knew was coming but had hoped to delay until Monday morning after R had left for work. He asked me why I was crying but I couldn't talk about it and I said I was fine. Don't think he bought it, LOL. I had started thinking about John getting sick and me not being able to stay home with him. My mom had reluctantly agreed to watch him when he's sick. But my mother is not the most nurturing person when someone is sick (or healthy) and is more concerned about being exposed to germs than how the person is feeling. Plus I am his mommy and it's my job to take care of him. John has never been in daycare so I know that he will most likely get sick fairly often in the beginning. Long story short, R talked with his boss and they were fine with the possibility of him needing to take time off to care for John and then making up the time later in the week so he doesn't have to use sick or vacation time. The company he works for is small and very family oriented. So that was a relief. And just in time because...John is sick already. Poor little guy started with a runny nose yesterday but he was fine otherwise so I brought him with me. As the night went on, he got stuffier and this morning he added a fever to the mix. Of course R had said yesterday that today was not a good day for him to take off as they had a ton of work to finish. I reluctantly called my mom Thursday night just to see what the chances were that she would be able to watch him and she was teaching a quilt class today. To her credit, she offered to skip it, and offered for my dad to come over until it was finished and she could take over. I didn't feel comfortable leaving John with them while he had a fever (yes, I know they raised me and I survived lol) because he has a tendency to go downhill rather quickly when he gets sick. So I called the director and explained to her what was going on and that I was trying to get it worked out. She told me it was fine to come in late, even to wait until R was home. Again, what a relief. So, R worked his butt off and finished early so I ended up being about 3 hours late and it was no problem. Tonight he had a fever still and I'm praying he's feeling better by Monday because I'm not looking forward to another juggling act. Poor little guy I hate to see him sick, especially after he "just" got over the flu.
    Gee, I never even said how the job is going. Well, it will have to wait because this post is long enough already and I'm beyond exhausted. Tomorrow is our town wide yard sale day, and I've been waiting months for it! We were hoping to go all together but that will depend on how John is feeling tomorrow. Have a good weekend!

Today and Tomorrow

Today I have a ton of things to do as my family prepares to embark upon the next chapter of our story.
Tomorrow I will go to work for the first time in almost three years and John will start preschool/daycare. I will be one of the teachers in his room.
Today I will fight back tears and put on a happy face so as not to upset my husband, who already feels terribly guilty that I have to go back to work.
Tomorrow I will sob in the shower after he leaves for work.
Today we will go to church and I will thank God for this job, because I am incredibly lucky that I can work and still have John with me.
Tomorrow I will muster up all the strength I have to make it a wonderful day for him.
Today I will enjoy every "last" minute with my boy who seems to me to be still a baby but who will become a preschooler as we walk out the door in the morning.
Tomorrow I will watch my only child playing with his new friends and marvel at the big boy he has become.
Today I will label John's lunchbox and his clothes with a permanent marker and try to etch this day permanently into my memory.
Tomorrow my heart will break and heal over almost simultaneously.
Today I will enjoy having John all to myself for one last day before sharing him with the world.
Tomorrow I will do what I know is in his best interest and encourage him to fly on his own as I cheer from the sidelines.
Today we will cuddle and talk about all the wonderful things he will learn and do at school and all the friends he will make.
Tomorrow will be the biggest day so far in his young life.
Today is going way too fast.

I'm gonna miss this

   Have you heard the song "you're gonna' miss this" by Trace Ad.kins? I'd post the video here if I could but I don't even know how to post pictures so that's out. Anyway, it talks about not rushing through life and enjoying each moment. I have been feeling melancholy about going back to work and this song keeps running through my head. I knew that I would eventually have to go back to work. I know how incredibly lucky I have been to be home with J for almost the first 3 years of his life. And I know that the job I am going to is the most perfect job for both J and I. I also know that there are many mothers who have to leave their infants to return to work and I'm sure it just about breaks their hearts. I know all this and yet I am still a little sad. I have loved being home with J. I know there are many women who would hate it but I really have enjoyed it. I have loved being there for all of his "firsts" and I love that I have been his world. I guess what I'm struggling with most is that he is growing up so fast. He will start making friends and wanting to be with people other than me. Don't get me wrong, this is what I want for him. But my baby isn't a baby anymore. I know there will come a day when he will push me away and won't want to go places with me anymore. That hurts more than I was prepared for it to. Everyone says how fast time flies, and they are right. I just want to enjoy every moment with J that I can, and not rush through them. I want to burn these moments into my memory so I can wrap myself in them later, when he's too cool to be seen with his mom. I love him with all my heart.
Happy Mothers Day to the mothers, prayers for those trying to become mothers and those mourning for their children. I remember how painful Mothers Day was when we were fighting infertility.