Friday, May 6, 2011

I'm gonna miss this

   Have you heard the song "you're gonna' miss this" by Trace Ad.kins? I'd post the video here if I could but I don't even know how to post pictures so that's out. Anyway, it talks about not rushing through life and enjoying each moment. I have been feeling melancholy about going back to work and this song keeps running through my head. I knew that I would eventually have to go back to work. I know how incredibly lucky I have been to be home with J for almost the first 3 years of his life. And I know that the job I am going to is the most perfect job for both J and I. I also know that there are many mothers who have to leave their infants to return to work and I'm sure it just about breaks their hearts. I know all this and yet I am still a little sad. I have loved being home with J. I know there are many women who would hate it but I really have enjoyed it. I have loved being there for all of his "firsts" and I love that I have been his world. I guess what I'm struggling with most is that he is growing up so fast. He will start making friends and wanting to be with people other than me. Don't get me wrong, this is what I want for him. But my baby isn't a baby anymore. I know there will come a day when he will push me away and won't want to go places with me anymore. That hurts more than I was prepared for it to. Everyone says how fast time flies, and they are right. I just want to enjoy every moment with J that I can, and not rush through them. I want to burn these moments into my memory so I can wrap myself in them later, when he's too cool to be seen with his mom. I love him with all my heart.
Happy Mothers Day to the mothers, prayers for those trying to become mothers and those mourning for their children. I remember how painful Mothers Day was when we were fighting infertility.

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