Second opinion

Well, John's pediatrician is sending us to Children's Hospital in Pitts.burgh on Friday. He says it would be very rare to see that kind of cancer in someone as young as John, but he thinks we should see the specialists anyway because there is a family history. He said it was more "for me", to set my mind at ease but obviously if there was no possibility of it he would have said that and not sent us to Pitts.burgh. I am of course terrified.

So scared

   Gosh, it seems like forever since I've written here. So much is going on (good and bad) but right now the thing that is consuming me is John's health. He has had an enlarged lymph node on his neck for as long as I can remember. When he turns his head it is very noticeable. At his 2 year checkup last year I asked his doctor about it and he said that it was somewhat common and that they aren't really concerned about it until the child is 12 or so. I pretty much forgot all about it until the latest ENT visit where there were concerns about the size of his tonsils. The "underling" recommended surgery to remove them but I requested to see the actual doctor and he said that because John is having no symptoms he recommends waiting because they usually resolve on their own as kids grow. I mentioned the lymph node to him and he felt it and also felt a couple on the other side of John's neck as well. He said that they were all separate which is a good sign, and recommended just monitoring them. I accepted this also and pretty much didn't give them a second thought. For some reason last weekend my eyes were drawn to John's neck as he played and I was just struck with panic over it. Not really sure why. It really rattled me because, as I said, I hadn't thought much about it. Even though I know better, I started goo.gling and pretty much threw myself into a full blown anxiety attack over the possibility that it could be cancer. Then I remembered that my uncle (dad's brother) had Hodg.kins disease and that just sent me over the edge. I talked it over with Russ and we decided that at John's next ENT appointment (12/22) I would mention the family history and ask whether we should really be concerned. Then I started thinking about how tonsils are part of the lymphatic system and wondering if it could be related. From there I started goog.ling symptoms of lym.phoma. In the early stages there are few symptoms but they include enlarged lymph nodes and night sweats. John does sweat sometimes when he sleeps but I'm not sure it could be classified as night sweats since it primarily involves just his head and not his entire body. At this point I've worked myself into some serious anxiety and I knew I'd never be able to wait until December so I am taking him to his pediatrician tomorrow to discuss it with the new information about family history and I'd like to have it measured so we have a baseline to determine if it gets larger or smaller. I am praying that he tells me I'm over-reacting but I'm also truly terrified that there is a reason it popped into my head last weekend. I'm so very scared but I'm doing my best to trust God and stop worrying.

Change of plans

My father had his procedure yesterday to locate the source of the bleeding and cauterize it. The doctor ended up cauterizing almost his entire prostate and dad nearly needed a transfusion. The doctor thinks this will solve the problem and dad had very little bleeding overnight but I am not comfortable leaving while he is in such a precarious condition so Russ is heading to NJ by himself. I don't like the idea since he was driving all day at work and the trip to NJ takes at least six hours but he is a very experienced driver and I trust that he will stop and rest if he gets too tired to continue. I also really wanted to see my FIL but at least Russ will still be there. We also had planned to look at apartments while we were there and tell his parents of our decision to move now and I wanted to be there for that. In all honesty I am feeling so conflicted with our decision. I posted about it on my other blog so you can read more about it there if you care to. In the midst of all this turmoil I am trying to get ready for upcoming craft shows, the first of which is next weekend. There are a few other things going on as well, adding up to a high stress level for me. I'm trying to lean on God and keep things in perspective. This too shall pass.

Catch up on what's going on

There is just so much going on around here, I am going to do a quick catch up. Please forgive the bullets, but it's just easier this way for now.
* I am still sick. Not sure if it's because I'm older now but this bout of pneumonia is taking way longer to get over. Or perhaps it's been awhile and I forgot how awful it was. Either way, I am still fighting with this cough.
* My Dad's biopsies came back today, all negative thank God! He is, however, still bleeding and has had to be catheterized several times over the past week and will have to undergo surgery tomorrow to locate the source of the bleeding and hopefully cauterize it.
*My FIL is in the hospital. He was taken by ambulance on Sunday evening because he was having bad stomach pains. At this point they are thinking it is diverticulitis and they are giving him a few days on iv and antibiotics to see if it settles down or he may need surgery. I've written before how much my FIL means to me. I'm worried.
*We are heading to NJ on Thursday and will spend the weekend. Not sure if Don (FIL) will need surgery but Russ's mom could really use some help right now too. Her "issues" get much worse in times of stress and with the recent flood and now this she is having a tough time.
*We are really struggling with being so far away from Russ's parents. The reality is that they are getting older and are needing more help. Plus if Mary does have Alzheimer's, things will get much worse. It's a 6 hour drive each time we go, plus Russ has to take time off of work. Add to that the fact that we both hate it here and we've been discussing moving very soon. Our debts will not allow us to buy a house but we've been discussing renting an apartment for awhile. We plan to look around the area this weekend and discuss it with Russ's parents. I know it would be a relief for them to have us closer.
*After being homeowners since 1994, it would be very strange to rent again. Not sure what we'd do with all the "stuff" we've accumulated over the years but I trust in God and know that He has a plan.
*The Monday after I brought our car home, a warning light came on for the traction control. Thank God it didn't happen during the drive. So, we had to pay to have it fixed and are supposed to get a reimbursement check, which we haven't seen yet. Also haven't received the title or plates yet. Plus, we have 2 chips in the windshield (not sure how we got them) that need to be fixed tomorrow.
Pretty sure that brings us all up to date.

Sick...and tomorrow is a big day

I'm sick. I have pneumonia and am struggling just to get through each day until I start feeling better. I started antibiotics Sunday evening and so far today I feel a little better than yesterday so it seems I'm definitely headed in the right direction. I took John to the doctor yesterday to have him checked because he has a cough too and I thought I heard a "rattle" in his chest but they said his lungs are clear thank God. Of course I'll continue to monitor him and I'm being as careful as I can to keep my germs to myself.

John starts preschool tomorrow morning! The classes were all full and he was on a waiting list and they called on Friday to let us know that a spot had become available. It's not the class I had wanted him in, but I'm sure he will enjoy it. It's two hours on Wednesday mornings; the other class was two afternoons a week. I'm thinking now that this may be better because the other one was during his naptime plus I'm not sure I'm ready to be away from him that long yet. I'm sure tomorrow will be difficult for me but I know it's good for him. My cousin is one of the teachers there so I know she will be looking out for him. The only "issue" I have is that Shaunna's son is in that class but I expect that he will be different away from his mother. I'm sure the teachers will not put up with his foolishness like Shaunna does. Maybe they will even become friends, who knows.

Tomorrow my father is having prostate surgery again. He had surgery last year and is having issues again. They are going to biopsy his prostate and bladder this time. I'm praying that everything goes well. I offered to go along but my mother said there would be nothing we could do and it would be difficult with John so we will just wait to hear.

Tomorrow is shaping up to be quite a stressful day.

Great, now we have...beavers?

John broke a piece off of one of his little motorcycles this morning. I asked him how it happened and he said "I didn't break it Mommy, a beaver chewed it." I guess kids with no siblings to blame things on have to be creative! LOL

Oh.Em.Gee.*

This past weekend I went to NJ to help my in-laws with their ongoing cleanup from the flood. I went by myself (first night away from John EVER) because there are nails sticking up from their floors and their walls have been cut a foot up from the floor so we were worried John might get hurt. Russ went a couple weeks ago and did a lot of the initial demolition for them. It's hard being so far from them, especially in times like this. We used to live 5 minutes from them and we saw them a lot. Well, as it turns out, the reason they asked me to come was to pick out a new-to-us car! Our SUV (which they also bought) is 10 years old, has 147000 miles and has been needing repairs frequently. They wanted to make sure we had something safe to drive John around in. My FIL and I spent all day Saturday looking and test driving and we chose a 2008 white GMC Envoy with only 30000 miles. This thing is fully loaded-it even has a dvd player; John is thrilled about that! This was an incredibly generous and loving gesture and we are beyond grateful. My mother's reaction was surprising and yet not, considering how she is. I wrote about it on my other blog if you're interested in reading it. I'm sure that we will be making another trip to NJ soon to help them again; there is so much that still needs done. Things are so hard for them right now; they had a house fire six years ago and had to rebuild so this house is only five years old. They lost so much in the fire and now this. Devastating to say the least but they are so lucky to be alive, having survived two disasters. Of course this makes us want to move even more. We spent so much time with them when we lived close and we are all feeling the loss of that. The worst part is that my FIL told me when I was there that he's pretty sure that my MIL is developing Alzheimer's disease. We've noticed an increase in her forgetfulness but it just hit me so hard to hear it actually spoken aloud. Of course Russ is devastated and wants to move as soon as we can. My mother's reaction was absolutely sickening and I'm not sure Russ will be able to speak to her calmly ever again. Again, it's on my other blog if you care to read it.

 

 

*The Gee stands for Goodness because I don't like to use the Lord's name in vain.

I like how you talk

Lately John has been telling me that he likes the way I talk. I asked him what he meant the first time he said it and he said that I talk nice. Sometimes he won't want Russ to put him to bed because "daddy talks rough." When I asked him what he meant by that, he said Daddy talks about tools and rough stuff but Mommy talks about nice stuff like cookies and material. Lol, he's sure got us pegged. It seems that Daddy's "roughness" only bothers him at bedtime though; when Russ is working on something John is all about it. Not that I mind of course, I just love putting him to bed. Soaking up all the sweetness while he still wants to be around us.

Quick catch up

Haven't written in awhile so here's a quick summary of what's been going on around here:

*Russ got back from NJ yesterday. His parents' house was damaged pretty badly but is fixable. He did a lot of work while he was there and his sister is there now to help with paperwork. We were all going to go this weekend but he has to work so we'll go another time.

*We've decided that I am not going to get a job right now because this is the busiest time of year for Russ at work and there would be too many evenings that he doesn't get home in time to watch John. The options would then be to ask my mother to watch him or call out of work, both of which are less than desirable. My mother has made it abundantly clear that she is "unavailable" to help and I don't want to ask her for anything unless it is an emergency. So, the plan is for me to get things made for craft shows and do some baking for extra money and then when things slow down for Russ at work (after Christmas) I will look for something then.

*It is an understatement to say that I am thrilled to have the opportunity to stay home with John again. I love spending time with him and he will never be this age again. Now I just need to find the motivation to start sewing again.

*John and I went to the flea market on Saturday. It was sad to go without Russ because we enjoy going as a family but we had a good time looking around. And can you believe that the kitchen "store" was not there? Yeah, I was not thrilled but we stopped at a country store on the way home and I got some adorable cookie cutters. More expensive of course but way cute. I will be making some "practice" cookies tomorrow. I'm hoping to sell some at a craft show in October and perhaps take some orders for the holidays.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Just enjoying the precious gift I've been given of time with my favorite boy and trying to get motivated to craft.

Missing my hubby

Russ left yesterday to head to NJ to help his parents clean up after their house was flooded by hurricane Irene. He won't be back until Monday evening. John and I were going to go along but there's no way I'd let John go in their house with all the mold that is growing so he would be stuck in the hotel most of the time and that wouldn't be fair to him. Plus someone (most likely me) would of course have to stay with him so it made more sense for us to just stay here. John and I are used to Russ traveling for work, but this will be the longest stretch he's been away from us. We certainly have enough things that need done to keep us busy but I find myself not wanting to do much. I think I have pms too, which isn't helping my mood very much. We went to the goodwill store today, and tomorrow we are going to the monthly flea market that we missed last month. It won't be as much fun without Russ, but there will only be one more this year and I really want to buy some new cookie cutters. Plus the last one is in October and it is not out of the ordinary for us to have snow in October. So, John and I will go on our own and we will enjoy our day even though we both will be missing Daddy. Praying for his safety and for all those who have been affected by the storm.